Listing pallbearers and honorary pallbearers

What pallbearers do

Pallbearers carry the casket: into and out of the church or chapel, to and from the hearse, and at the graveside. The funeral director and the staff tell them what to do and when, so no one needs to have done it before. During the service they often sit together, in a place kept for them.

How many pallbearers you need

Six is a common number, and eight are sometimes asked for a heavier casket. The right number depends on the casket, the steps and the distance, so ask the funeral director how many are needed before you ask anyone. If the family cannot find enough people, the funeral home may be able to provide pallbearers.

Honorary pallbearers

Honorary pallbearers are named for the place they held in the person's life. They do not carry the casket. Depending on the funeral home and the family, they walk in front of it, beside it or behind it, or sit together in a pew set aside for them. The funeral director will say where.

The role suits people who are close to the person but cannot carry: an older relative, someone who is unwell, a friend who cannot travel, who can still be named in the program. It is also a way to include more people than the casket needs. There is no set number. Some families name two or three honorary pallbearers, and others a dozen.

Honorary pallbearers can also be named as a group, such as a club, the deacons of a church or the people someone worked beside for years. Name the group as people knew it:

• Friends from [workplace name]
• The members of [club name]
• The deacons of [church name]

How to list them

Give each group a heading, and list the names beneath it, one to a line, or in two columns if there are many. The honorary pallbearers can follow the pallbearers, under their own heading.

Any order that makes sense to the family is fine. Family first and then friends is a natural order, and alphabetical order by surname avoids any suggestion of rank. Walter's family listed his sons first:

Pallbearers

• David Hale
• Peter Hale
• Samuel Hale
• Joseph Kerr
• Thomas Reilly
• Owen Marsh

Use the names people know them by, spelled as they spell them, and check each spelling with the person or with someone who knows. A title such as Dr. or a military rank goes before the name, as the person uses it.

You can add each person's relationship, or leave it out. Relationships help guests who do not know everyone, but a list without them reads more evenly. If you include them, give one for every name, so that no one looks left out:

• David Hale, son
• [name], grandson
• [name], friend

If you make the program here, the pallbearers are their own question, with room for up to 12 names, and they print on the back page with the other details there. What else can go on that page is in what to put in a funeral program.

Wording for the headings

Plain headings are the clearest:

• Pallbearers
• Honorary Pallbearers
• Active Pallbearers, when both lists appear, to make clear who carries
• Urn Bearer, when an urn is carried rather than a casket
• Flower Bearers, for the people who carry the flowers, if the program names them

Some programs write "Pall Bearers" as two words, and either is understood. Newspaper obituaries often use a sentence instead, as in "Pallbearers will be…", but in a program a list is easier to read at a glance.

For the headings in the rest of the program, see funeral program wording, section by section.

Asking someone

Ask each person directly, by phone or in person, and ask early, so that they have time to arrange the day. Tell them what it involves: carrying the casket, perhaps down steps or across uneven ground, arriving a little early to hear the funeral director's instructions, and sitting with the other pallbearers.

Then let them say no. Some people cannot lift, and some feel it would be too much for them on the day. Offering to name them as an honorary pallbearer lets them take part in another way. A gentle way to ask:

• "Would you be one of Walter's pallbearers on Saturday? It would mean a great deal to us. If it is too much, please say so, and we would love to name you as an honorary pallbearer instead."

It helps to have one more person in mind in case someone cannot come on the day. Afterward, a short note of thanks to each pallbearer is a kind thing to send. There is more on thanking people in acknowledgment wording for a funeral program.

Anyone the family chooses

The family chooses. Pallbearers can be men or women, family or friends, neighbors or colleagues, and grandchildren who are old enough and would like to. What matters is that they are willing, and able to carry.

Customs vary between families, churches and communities. If your church or tradition has its own way of choosing or seating pallbearers, the officiant or the funeral director will know it.

When there is no casket

At a memorial service without a casket, there is nothing for pallbearers to carry, and the program can leave them out. Honorary pallbearers can still be named, in the same way as at any other service.

If an urn is carried in, the person who carries it can be named as the urn bearer, and the honorary pallbearers can walk beside or behind them:

• Urn Bearer: [name]
• Honorary Pallbearers: [names]